It is said that each generation is increasingly desensitized to violence in the media. I have had a particular interest in this subject for a long time, and I have also sat on the fence on this issue for a long time: I can argue for and against this statement in many ways. Are we, as a society, more tolerant of violence in the media? Absolutely. I think we are exposed to so much violence that much of the time we don't even notice it. I have always been very interested in Jean Kilbourne's work about violence towards women in the media, so much so that Killing Us Softly was what led me to studying media at a university level to begin with, and during university I collected advertisements (often from mainstream media and magazines), portraying violence towards women. I was always amazed at the fashion industry (cosmetics included) and their portrayal of injured, damaged or even DEAD women. Why hadn't I noticed this before it was on my radar? I put these ads on the wall outside my bedroom in our student house - always a point of conversation for my roommate (also in media studies) and I, who always seemed to do most of our bonding in the hallway between our rooms. (I miss you, Sarah!!) I think our visitors thought I was obsessed with high fashion and cosmetics, but really, that had nothing to do with it.
Are we overall desensitized to media, not just violent media? Yeah, I think so. I think it takes a lot more to get the attention of media viewers/consumers than it used to. Does this desensitization start during childhood? I wasn't sure until I became a step-mom (before having children of my own). When watching children's TV networks, I was surprised at how much information was blasted at children in such a short period of time, in bursts. I thought to myself "No wonder kids have ADD - they're bombarded with short bursts of intensive programming" - nothing seemed longer than 15 minutes, and in between the actual programs were short bursts of other mini-shows - causing my step-son to sort of glaze over as his little brain struggled to take it all in. As a parent now, I understand that children can't focus for long periods of time, so the networks programming is meant to keep their attention for longer periods of time. Do I think it's good for them? No. I think our society of instant gratification when it comes to media and technology is creating demanding and impatient children (really, this could be the topic of an entirely different post, or even multiple posts). But do I use this type of programming to keep my kids busy while I prepare lunch or dinner? Sadly, yes. I try not to, but at times the convenience is, well, convenient!
So, back to violence in the media. I would never have said I was desensitized. I have always thought of myself as a very conscious, informed, and skeptical media consumer, and despite what I've realized, I still believe that I am in a lot of ways. However, since becoming a mother, I am much more sensitive to violence. While still understanding that it's not real, I find that certain types of violence create extreme reactions in me now, both emotionally and physically. These are things I would have glazed over about in the past - I likely would have only wondered why the violence was glorified and/or necessary and why it was on TV in the first place: to sum it up, I'd have criticized the violence as content, but wouldn't have felt a connection to, or have been emotionally affected by, the violence itself. We watched Law Abiding Citizen the other day. I wanted to turn it off after about 3 minutes, and thought I was going to throw up after 5 minutes (there's a child involved). Scott convinced me to keep watching, and really, it didn't get any better, and I only became more and more emotionally distraught at the thought of the pain and suffering of the "victims", while still fully aware it wasn't real. I kept thinking "I know this isn't real, so why am I so affected by it?" I didn't enjoy the movie one bit, and I can't understand why anyone would (we borrowed it from my sister, who has seen it three times.. once was more than enough for me). We have also been watching Criminal Minds on A&E lately, and unlike Law Abiding Citizen, I do enjoy Criminal Minds. However, I've been increasingly disturbed by the content. I do find it to be much more graphic than CSI and other such crime/cop shows, it seems more "real" than "glorified". I can't watch a single episode of Criminal Minds without getting fairly upset about some of the violence. Am I overreacting? I really have no idea. I can only say that since becoming a mother, I think more about the violence and find it to be much more scary than I ever had. I also find that I imagine myself and/or my family in the situations portrayed and often feel sick to my stomach. I can only explain it as a possible fear of something terrible happening to my family. Even though I know it isn't real, I feel that my reaction is being caused by my protective motherly instinct to keep my family safe from harm. If it were real events, I'd say that I have a newfound compassion, but since it's fictional, I don't know if "compassion" is the right word. It has also sparked an immense fear of dying - well, at least while I'm watching, I can't say that this fear is permeating the rest of my life, so I don't think I have a problem lol
While watching these shows, my fear is very real, and I have never experienced this before. Is it just that writing and story lines have become better and the goal of touching/impacting the viewer has been realized in me? Probably to some extent. But why now? Is it really motherly instinct? Has anyone else experienced this?!
Tuesday, 17 January 2012
Friday, 6 January 2012
Parenting 101 in the age of information
It's hard being a parent these days. Yes, for all of the obvious s reasons that have spanned generations, but also because we live in a time that is so technologically advanced and information-focused: you can literally find information, often too much information, about any parenting or kid-related issue under the sun. Issues that are on your radar, and more often than not, things you had never worried about before but are worrying about now because you read about them. All of this information is a good thing for so many reasons but there is way too much of it to properly process anything. Furthermore, sometimes searching for information is a self-fulfilling sort of venture: if you're leaning one way on an issue you can absolutely find information that supports your leaning, even if you claim to be researching all perspectives. Even our doctors aren't aware of all the alternative information out there, and are often rooted in a particular opinion about most possible subjects, that it's hard to get helpful advice from a professional along the way.
Another difficult thing about all of this information is that we have such limited amounts of time to process and act on it. Babies and children grow so fast and can move past the stage/issue faster than we, as parents, can properly research and consider all options available to us. And if you're researching this information after your children are born (opposed to forming certain opinions and game plans while pregnant), you likely have less time to devote to see all, or at least the most predominant, views on a particular parenting subject.
The impetus on this train of thought today has been the introduction of solid foods for little P. There is so much alternative information available that it's overwhelming, and I haven't even been looking for information on this subject. I've done the food thing with A and consider myself to be pretty knowledgeable about it. But then I heard about baby-led weaning, where no puréed food is offered, just soft enough chunks - this was interesting to me because A has food texture issues, but I don't know enough about it to comfortably execute it, and all information I found about it was from vested sources, so not entirely trustworthy.
Then there's the Whiteout Movement, which claims rice cereal and similar grain cereals are like junk food for baby: full of sugar and other things with no nutritional value. But I buy organic whole grain brown rice cereal, with no additives (no added sugar, gluten and soy free), and don't the babies need the iron this cereal is fortified with? Well, not according to this movement.. again, I'm not really convinced. I'm pretty sure the cereal I'm buying is far superior to the stuff this movement is shunning, and I don't blame those who look down at the mass produced rice cereal, as it is full of additives. A sample of a mass produced rice cereal came my way the first time around, which had an abhorrent ingredient list that included a sneaky artificial sweetener (side note: I have a major issue with artificial sweeteners in general). This sample led me to find an alternative, which I did. I thought about making my own, but there are benefits to the boxed stuff that I can't match in a homemade version, particularly iron. I do, however, make all my other baby food at home.
Unrelated to food I've also been hearing a lot about vaccinations these days: do babies and children need them? Is it better to let them build up an immunity on their own? This issue is very complicated, as children are vaccinated for diseases which exist today, and diseases that are rare these days because of widespread vaccinations. Do my children need the flu shot and chicken pox vaccines? Probably not as these illnesses are generally manageable and, barring rare complications, are not the least bit life threatening. But meningitis, polio, rubella? Yeah, I'd like my kids vaccinated against unnecessary serious illnesses. There is so much information available about this issue, but from two distinct sides: I've yet to read something that lists both the pros and cons of vaccinations. It seems the vast majority of information available comes from proponents of one side or the other. Please note, I'm not even talking about MMR-autism related issues here, which have been scientifically proven to not be related, but the link still seems questionable in some cases, enough that even I have worried.
We all want the best for our kids, and that's essentially what this comes down to. I believe that with or without all of this information only we, as parents who know our children best, know what is truly right for us and our kids. What's more important than popular opinion or scientific support is doing what works for us, taking into account available resources (time, money, support), and never, ever, let anyone tell you, or make you believe, you're doing it wrong! We all make mistakes, but we also all do abundantly more things right than wrong. Listen to your friends and other people you trust, but always know that only you know what's right for you!!
Another difficult thing about all of this information is that we have such limited amounts of time to process and act on it. Babies and children grow so fast and can move past the stage/issue faster than we, as parents, can properly research and consider all options available to us. And if you're researching this information after your children are born (opposed to forming certain opinions and game plans while pregnant), you likely have less time to devote to see all, or at least the most predominant, views on a particular parenting subject.
The impetus on this train of thought today has been the introduction of solid foods for little P. There is so much alternative information available that it's overwhelming, and I haven't even been looking for information on this subject. I've done the food thing with A and consider myself to be pretty knowledgeable about it. But then I heard about baby-led weaning, where no puréed food is offered, just soft enough chunks - this was interesting to me because A has food texture issues, but I don't know enough about it to comfortably execute it, and all information I found about it was from vested sources, so not entirely trustworthy.
Then there's the Whiteout Movement, which claims rice cereal and similar grain cereals are like junk food for baby: full of sugar and other things with no nutritional value. But I buy organic whole grain brown rice cereal, with no additives (no added sugar, gluten and soy free), and don't the babies need the iron this cereal is fortified with? Well, not according to this movement.. again, I'm not really convinced. I'm pretty sure the cereal I'm buying is far superior to the stuff this movement is shunning, and I don't blame those who look down at the mass produced rice cereal, as it is full of additives. A sample of a mass produced rice cereal came my way the first time around, which had an abhorrent ingredient list that included a sneaky artificial sweetener (side note: I have a major issue with artificial sweeteners in general). This sample led me to find an alternative, which I did. I thought about making my own, but there are benefits to the boxed stuff that I can't match in a homemade version, particularly iron. I do, however, make all my other baby food at home.
Unrelated to food I've also been hearing a lot about vaccinations these days: do babies and children need them? Is it better to let them build up an immunity on their own? This issue is very complicated, as children are vaccinated for diseases which exist today, and diseases that are rare these days because of widespread vaccinations. Do my children need the flu shot and chicken pox vaccines? Probably not as these illnesses are generally manageable and, barring rare complications, are not the least bit life threatening. But meningitis, polio, rubella? Yeah, I'd like my kids vaccinated against unnecessary serious illnesses. There is so much information available about this issue, but from two distinct sides: I've yet to read something that lists both the pros and cons of vaccinations. It seems the vast majority of information available comes from proponents of one side or the other. Please note, I'm not even talking about MMR-autism related issues here, which have been scientifically proven to not be related, but the link still seems questionable in some cases, enough that even I have worried.
We all want the best for our kids, and that's essentially what this comes down to. I believe that with or without all of this information only we, as parents who know our children best, know what is truly right for us and our kids. What's more important than popular opinion or scientific support is doing what works for us, taking into account available resources (time, money, support), and never, ever, let anyone tell you, or make you believe, you're doing it wrong! We all make mistakes, but we also all do abundantly more things right than wrong. Listen to your friends and other people you trust, but always know that only you know what's right for you!!
Tuesday, 3 January 2012
Mr. and Mrs. H.
November 2011
So, my twin sister got married in Curaçao on Wednesday. I'm very happy for her: she and her new husband are perfect for each other and will have a lifetime of happiness, I'm sure.
When my younger sister got married last year I talked about it a lot - I mentioned it to people in conversation leading up to the wedding and I was in the wedding party so there was a lot of preparatory things I was involved in. In my twin sister's case though, I barely mentioned it to anyone. Why? I wasn't able to attend the wedding and the reactions, judgements really, were becoming something I couldn't stand to hear anymore. I was sick of the shocked, judgmental, disbelieving and sometimes near pitiful responses I was getting when I said I wasn't traveling for her wedding. I was also getting tired of feeling like I had to explain my reasons to everyone who asked. I knew why we werent going, and the reasons were numerous and some complicated. In response to my reasoning many people felt like they could 'solve my problem' offering ideas on how to make it work, which often left me feeling frustrated and misunderstood. The problem was/is that I don't see it as a problem that needed solving. Our decision was made, it was final and we were confident we made the right choice for us and our family. It really wasn't anyone else's business, but mostly everyone shared their two cents with us, regardless of how inappropriate it was (and believe me some people really felt they knew best, and some people were so insistent they became quite rude when I didn't care for their advice.)
For the record, our decision had nothing to do with whether or not we supported or agreed with the marriage (side note: there was some family controversy related to the wedding). We always supported my sister and her marriage; we just weren't able to travel for the wedding.
January 2012
So I've returned to he above unfinished post. I re-read it for spelling and grammar but didn't edit the overall content. Here are my reflections.
My sisters wedding came and went. In December she had a local reception, which of course we attended. I was even an honorary bridesmaid although I didn't make the trip. I had the dress, got my hair and makeup done, the whole thing. I felt connected to the wedding that day. Some things weren't ideal, including the kids' cooperation haha, but overall it was a fun day and I'm glad I got to take part in something special for my sister. I am confident we made the right decision not to travel, despite all the judgement that, believe it or not, is still being made. A wedding is about the two people getting married and the celebration with their family and friends. I got to celebrate with them and that's all I could do, here or in Curaçao.
So now people are asking when Scott and I are going to get married. My brother is getting married in March (that's 3 weddings in 18 months for our family!). After seeing what all my siblings have gone through with their weddings, I can tell you this: Scott and I will get married. It's been in the works since the day we met, or at least our third date. We will not, however, be traditional about it. How we will do it, I'm not sure, but we will figure it out.
So, my twin sister got married in Curaçao on Wednesday. I'm very happy for her: she and her new husband are perfect for each other and will have a lifetime of happiness, I'm sure.
When my younger sister got married last year I talked about it a lot - I mentioned it to people in conversation leading up to the wedding and I was in the wedding party so there was a lot of preparatory things I was involved in. In my twin sister's case though, I barely mentioned it to anyone. Why? I wasn't able to attend the wedding and the reactions, judgements really, were becoming something I couldn't stand to hear anymore. I was sick of the shocked, judgmental, disbelieving and sometimes near pitiful responses I was getting when I said I wasn't traveling for her wedding. I was also getting tired of feeling like I had to explain my reasons to everyone who asked. I knew why we werent going, and the reasons were numerous and some complicated. In response to my reasoning many people felt like they could 'solve my problem' offering ideas on how to make it work, which often left me feeling frustrated and misunderstood. The problem was/is that I don't see it as a problem that needed solving. Our decision was made, it was final and we were confident we made the right choice for us and our family. It really wasn't anyone else's business, but mostly everyone shared their two cents with us, regardless of how inappropriate it was (and believe me some people really felt they knew best, and some people were so insistent they became quite rude when I didn't care for their advice.)
For the record, our decision had nothing to do with whether or not we supported or agreed with the marriage (side note: there was some family controversy related to the wedding). We always supported my sister and her marriage; we just weren't able to travel for the wedding.
January 2012
So I've returned to he above unfinished post. I re-read it for spelling and grammar but didn't edit the overall content. Here are my reflections.
My sisters wedding came and went. In December she had a local reception, which of course we attended. I was even an honorary bridesmaid although I didn't make the trip. I had the dress, got my hair and makeup done, the whole thing. I felt connected to the wedding that day. Some things weren't ideal, including the kids' cooperation haha, but overall it was a fun day and I'm glad I got to take part in something special for my sister. I am confident we made the right decision not to travel, despite all the judgement that, believe it or not, is still being made. A wedding is about the two people getting married and the celebration with their family and friends. I got to celebrate with them and that's all I could do, here or in Curaçao.
So now people are asking when Scott and I are going to get married. My brother is getting married in March (that's 3 weddings in 18 months for our family!). After seeing what all my siblings have gone through with their weddings, I can tell you this: Scott and I will get married. It's been in the works since the day we met, or at least our third date. We will not, however, be traditional about it. How we will do it, I'm not sure, but we will figure it out.
Accountability for my thoughts?
I've been meaning to post for a while. I actually have half a dozen started posts, but never got them finished. Despite never having posted them, the saved posts did serve a purpose: I did get to write down some things I was experiencing and feeling, and that outlet was good.
Maybe I should write a journal instead of a blog? But that seems too selfish. I know some may argue that posting publicly is more selfish than private writing, because of the need for feedback. I tend to disagree. Private writing seems so self-centered: you're writing purely for yourself, whereas writing for a public forum is for an audience (even if it's only a few unknown people lol). As stated earlier, I tend to not do too much for myself, so of course I wouldn't be a selfish kind if writer. Journals also seem so secretive, like I have things to hide, and really I don't.
So my new years goal is to finish my posts. I may even finish some that I started, although taking into account the hindsight they may not be as interesting. Maybe I should not worry about being interesting in the moment, but find a way to be interesting with my life lessons, after the fact. I've never thought about that before. I tend to want to share my dramatic or insightful moments as thy happen, but don't really follow up with the aftermath. Maybe accountability for my thoughts is something I should focus on?
Maybe I should write a journal instead of a blog? But that seems too selfish. I know some may argue that posting publicly is more selfish than private writing, because of the need for feedback. I tend to disagree. Private writing seems so self-centered: you're writing purely for yourself, whereas writing for a public forum is for an audience (even if it's only a few unknown people lol). As stated earlier, I tend to not do too much for myself, so of course I wouldn't be a selfish kind if writer. Journals also seem so secretive, like I have things to hide, and really I don't.
So my new years goal is to finish my posts. I may even finish some that I started, although taking into account the hindsight they may not be as interesting. Maybe I should not worry about being interesting in the moment, but find a way to be interesting with my life lessons, after the fact. I've never thought about that before. I tend to want to share my dramatic or insightful moments as thy happen, but don't really follow up with the aftermath. Maybe accountability for my thoughts is something I should focus on?
Saturday, 22 October 2011
So here I am
Finally! A couple of months ago a friend of mine started blogging. A first for her. At first I didn't think much of it: a blog? Really? Isn't that kind of outdated? You see, I am a graduate of Media, Information and Technoculture at UWO. I blogged before it was cool and mainstream. I blogged because I was a dorky media student - personally and for different classes. I blogged about student life, dating, and many things that were important to me at the time. By the time I was in my early 20's I had forgotten about and abandoned my blogs, so hearing this friend was now starting a blog was a bit lost on me.
When I was pregnant with A, my oldest son, I rediscovered blogging in a new light. Many moms nd moms-to-be use blogs to share their experiences. I found most of those blogs too self-centered and not easily relatable, so blogging didn't recapture my attention then.
Fast forward a couple of years and a couple of kids and here I am. Why now? Well, a few reasons.
First, I've always loved to read and write. I love to take in information and I like sharing tht information and my opinions. While I was in school I always had an outlet, and at times reading and writing were more of a chore than a joy. In my professional life I have some opportunity to express myself through writing but it's limited, and it's something I've missed the past few years.
Second, I now have a goal in mind when it comes to blogging. I am the mother of a 2 year old and 4 month old. Life is busy. I have never been a balanced person, I'm more of an 'all or nothing' type person. I am passionate and focused, at times to the extreme. These things don't really jive with motherhood. Well, they do in a way: I am a focused and passionate mother, but what's happened is that my 'all or nothing' stance has left little room for anything else except being a good mom, step-mom and 'wife' (technically we aren't married). Focusing on anything while children, a dog, hubby and life is zooming on around me is nearly impossible. Believe me, I am not saying I have lost myself or am looking for fulfillment. I am gloriously happy as a mother: it is truly the most fulfilling thing I'll ever do. Perhaps it's my love of my family and love of motherhood that makes balancing it with other things difficult.
So we come to reason number three: in order to be a good mom, I need to find a little balance. Although I love my family with every inch of my being, sometimes I'm at my wits end. Sometimes my patience isn't what it should be. I've realized I'm not as good at multitasking as I'd thought. I can have it all, just not at the same time (that's a difficult one for me).
And the last reason: my friend's blog has been funny, interesting and relevant. So much so that it's changed my perspective of blogging. Thanks LH.
This blog will hopefully serve a couple of purposes: give me an outlet, and will share my stories of what works and doesn't work when it comes to balancing my life.
Cheers.
When I was pregnant with A, my oldest son, I rediscovered blogging in a new light. Many moms nd moms-to-be use blogs to share their experiences. I found most of those blogs too self-centered and not easily relatable, so blogging didn't recapture my attention then.
Fast forward a couple of years and a couple of kids and here I am. Why now? Well, a few reasons.
First, I've always loved to read and write. I love to take in information and I like sharing tht information and my opinions. While I was in school I always had an outlet, and at times reading and writing were more of a chore than a joy. In my professional life I have some opportunity to express myself through writing but it's limited, and it's something I've missed the past few years.
Second, I now have a goal in mind when it comes to blogging. I am the mother of a 2 year old and 4 month old. Life is busy. I have never been a balanced person, I'm more of an 'all or nothing' type person. I am passionate and focused, at times to the extreme. These things don't really jive with motherhood. Well, they do in a way: I am a focused and passionate mother, but what's happened is that my 'all or nothing' stance has left little room for anything else except being a good mom, step-mom and 'wife' (technically we aren't married). Focusing on anything while children, a dog, hubby and life is zooming on around me is nearly impossible. Believe me, I am not saying I have lost myself or am looking for fulfillment. I am gloriously happy as a mother: it is truly the most fulfilling thing I'll ever do. Perhaps it's my love of my family and love of motherhood that makes balancing it with other things difficult.
So we come to reason number three: in order to be a good mom, I need to find a little balance. Although I love my family with every inch of my being, sometimes I'm at my wits end. Sometimes my patience isn't what it should be. I've realized I'm not as good at multitasking as I'd thought. I can have it all, just not at the same time (that's a difficult one for me).
And the last reason: my friend's blog has been funny, interesting and relevant. So much so that it's changed my perspective of blogging. Thanks LH.
This blog will hopefully serve a couple of purposes: give me an outlet, and will share my stories of what works and doesn't work when it comes to balancing my life.
Cheers.
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