Mr. and Mrs. H.

November 2011

So, my twin sister got married in Curaçao on Wednesday. I'm very happy for her: she and her new husband are perfect for each other and will have a lifetime of happiness, I'm sure.

When my younger sister got married last year I talked about it a lot - I mentioned it to people in conversation leading up to the wedding and I was in the wedding party so there was a lot of preparatory things I was involved in. In my twin sister's case though, I barely mentioned it to anyone. Why? I wasn't able to attend the wedding and the reactions, judgements really, were becoming something I couldn't stand to hear anymore. I was sick of the shocked, judgmental, disbelieving and sometimes near pitiful responses I was getting when I said I wasn't traveling for her wedding. I was also getting tired of feeling like I had to explain my reasons to everyone who asked. I knew why we werent going, and the reasons were numerous and some complicated. In response to my reasoning many people felt like they could 'solve my problem' offering ideas on how to make it work, which often left me feeling frustrated and misunderstood. The problem was/is that I don't see it as a problem that needed solving. Our decision was made, it was final and we were confident we made the right choice for us and our family. It really wasn't anyone else's business, but mostly everyone shared their two cents with us, regardless of how inappropriate it was (and believe me some people really felt they knew best, and some people were so insistent they became quite rude when I didn't care for their advice.)

For the record, our decision had nothing to do with whether or not we supported or agreed with the marriage (side note: there was some family controversy related to the wedding). We always supported my sister and her marriage; we just weren't able to travel for the wedding.

January 2012

So I've returned to he above unfinished post. I re-read it for spelling and grammar but didn't edit the overall content. Here are my reflections.

My sisters wedding came and went. In December she had a local reception, which of course we attended. I was even an honorary bridesmaid although I didn't make the trip. I had the dress, got my hair and makeup done, the whole thing. I felt connected to the wedding that day. Some things weren't ideal, including the kids' cooperation haha, but overall it was a fun day and I'm glad I got to take part in something special for my sister. I am confident we made the right decision not to travel, despite all the judgement that, believe it or not, is still being made. A wedding is about the two people getting married and the celebration with their family and friends. I got to celebrate with them and that's all I could do, here or in Curaçao.

So now people are asking when Scott and I are going to get married. My brother is getting married in March (that's 3 weddings in 18 months for our family!). After seeing what all my siblings have gone through with their weddings, I can tell you this: Scott and I will get married. It's been in the works since the day we met, or at least our third date. We will not, however, be traditional about it. How we will do it, I'm not sure, but we will figure it out.